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 The Price of Lemon, aaaaaaaaa
Matthew Cromwell
 Posted: Jun 6 2017, 11:34 PM
Quote

Legendary Pirate Dog
Group: Cafe Patrons
Posts: 13
Joined: 30-May 17
Age: N/A
Location: N/A
Awards: None



According to all known laws of common sense, there is no way someone would try to get a robbery going in the middle of Castelia City. The place is too crowded and anyone with a bit of a brain wouldn't even think about pulling off that kind of stunt around so many pokémon trainers. Red Eyes, of course, does this kind of crime anyway because he doesn't have common sense.

His place of choice today was a somewhat obscure eeveelution-themed fast food restaurant, and lucky for him, no actual eeveelutions seemed to be anywhere near said restaurant. Lying at his feet were instead a pidgeot and an ariados, two pokémon that had an absolutely terrible type matchup against Matthew. Of course, they were only knocked out cold and not actually dead, because Matthew isn't that merciless yet.

As for the people in the restaurant, they were either still eating because they felt like they had no business with this aggressive lycanroc or they were too afraid of getting shot by one of Matthew's flintlocks to do anything. He was pointing them at the customers after all, and he seemed pretty angry at what the cashier (whom he was threatening as well) had just told him.

"What do you mean "you don't put any real citrus fruits in your juices"? You gotta be kidding me! I need real vitamin C, not some wretched imitation that's made to appeal to children! By Kyogre, I didn't come all this way for nothing; I'll take the content of your cash register either way. And make it quick, I'm not a patient person and I'd hate to have to beat up another poor sob's incompetent pet."
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Gaius
 Posted: Jun 6 2017, 11:46 PM
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THE Gaius Vanity
Group: Cafe Patrons
Posts: 104
Joined: 18-March 16
Age: 27
Location: N/A
Awards: None



Don't cross out that "yet" just yet. You never know what the future holds. For example, it might hold a man and his rival pirate crew.

And (un)luckily, said man was sitting at the counter, his two-year-old son in the chair beside him.

Gaius Vanity swiveled around to face the Lycanroc, keeping that lazy smile on his face. My, he hadn't seen one of these Pokemon before. And it matched his jacket! Was this, perhaps, destiny? Were they meant to meet?

Gaius raised his glass... which appeared to have foaming beer, believe it or not. Did he bring that into the restaurant himself, or did he manage to get it ordered?

"Hey, fluffy!" he said warmly. "I know you don't want to shoot anyone, because you're a good guy. I know that because I'm a good guy."

Wow, what a good guy. And a good father. Meanwhile, his son, who was sitting behind him, laughed at the scene. As you could guess, this kid was probably used to seeing violence.

"Why don't we have a drink together, your treat?" Gaius continued.

--------------------
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Matthew Cromwell
 Posted: Jun 7 2017, 10:18 AM
Quote

Legendary Pirate Dog
Group: Cafe Patrons
Posts: 13
Joined: 30-May 17
Age: N/A
Location: N/A
Awards: None



'Fluffy'? Really? That might be a good thing to call a good boy, but Matthew is a pretty bad boy, and also he has guns. Old, obsolete, unreliable guns mind you, but guns nonetheless.

His gaze shifted to Gaius, and after staring into their eyes for an uncomfortable amount of time, Matthew finally spoke up: "Oh, so you think I'm a good guy? Would a good guy do this...?" he asked as he aimed jolteon-shaped lamp with one of his pistols, pulled the trigger and made said lamp explode into hundreds of pieces, effectively ruining the meal of anyone standing around it and maybe even wounding a person or two with shards.

His weapon unloaded, he put it back on his belt and pulled out another freshly loaded one. "Is my money coming?" Red Eyes inquired of the cashier "I ain't got all day."
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Gaius
 Posted: Jun 7 2017, 10:36 AM
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THE Gaius Vanity
Group: Cafe Patrons
Posts: 104
Joined: 18-March 16
Age: 27
Location: N/A
Awards: None



Wow, he shot that Jolteon (lamp) to death! This dog was hardcore. I mean, any god that could use a human weapon must be hardcore. Better not mess with this badass over here!

Gaius looked over to the cashier and said, "Take all the time you need."

Then, he looked back to Mattpat. He was inspecting him, looking up and down. Why? who knows what went on in Gaius's head, really? This guy used to eat cigarette butts.

"So, don't those things take forever to reload?" he asked. "So now you just have the one gun. And if you use that bullet on me, you won't be able to rob the restaurant. And if I'm a hero, I'll probably get a free Eeveelution Sundae, right? My kid loves sundaes."
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Matthew Cromwell
 Posted: Jun 7 2017, 12:05 PM
Quote

Legendary Pirate Dog
Group: Cafe Patrons
Posts: 13
Joined: 30-May 17
Age: N/A
Location: N/A
Awards: None



Fool! Red Eyes' character sheet clearly specifies that he has a "bunch" of guns, which could be more than two which is why I went back and fixed it so now you know for sure he has four flintlocks like a real pirate would. Also, Gaius seems to forget that this doggo over here still has a plastic rapier and pokémon magic on his side.

And was this guy really interfering with a robbery for a sundae? Just a sundae? Kinda hard to imagine what kind of twisted stuff he'd do if there were more valuable things on the line.

Matthew's response to Gaius was a simple, yet seriously annoyed-looking glare, which basically meant something along the lines of "don't mess with this edgy doggo".

Like seriously, did Gaius really expect Matthew to just give up because they told him to? What kind of softy pirate would do that?
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Gaius
 Posted: Jun 7 2017, 12:52 PM
Quote

THE Gaius Vanity
Group: Cafe Patrons
Posts: 104
Joined: 18-March 16
Age: 27
Location: N/A
Awards: None



Oops, sorry. But that didn't matter! Gaius still kept on doing... whatever he was doing. He seemed to be in a good mood, despite the robbery and all that. Or perhaps it was because of the robbery?

"Put the gun down, or shoot me," he responded to his new dog friend and buddy. "I mean, you can't expect people to take you seriously if you don't shoot a hostage. That's just basic crime 101."
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Matthew Cromwell
 Posted: Jun 7 2017, 02:00 PM
Quote

Legendary Pirate Dog
Group: Cafe Patrons
Posts: 13
Joined: 30-May 17
Age: N/A
Location: N/A
Awards: None



Well, Gaius did have a point here; Matthew hadn't seriously wounded anyone in the restaurant, because he wasn't planning on it. More or less empty threats were what he was relying on to get his way with victims.

"Just who are you and what are you after exactly? Do I look like I want to sit back and crack open a cold one enjoy a drink with you, and here of all places?"
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Gaius
 Posted: Jun 7 2017, 02:09 PM
Quote

THE Gaius Vanity
Group: Cafe Patrons
Posts: 104
Joined: 18-March 16
Age: 27
Location: N/A
Awards: None



Gaius kept on smiling. It's like he was in a completely different reality. Probably had something to do with the alcohol he had.

"This place sucks, yeah," he responded. "No offense, cashier guy. But they have good sundaes, and my kid likes it."

The child looked over his father's side. He clung to his father's jacket and kept staring at the Red-Eyes Blue Doggo. At least he was scared, though probably because Matt was a stranger, if anything.

"So, what's your name, Pupperoni?" Gaius asked the pirate. "All eyes are on you. Now's the perfect time to get into the dirty deets."
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Matthew Cromwell
 Posted: Jun 14 2017, 09:16 PM
Quote

Legendary Pirate Dog
Group: Cafe Patrons
Posts: 13
Joined: 30-May 17
Age: N/A
Location: N/A
Awards: None



Had Gaius already figured it all out? Had he already seen through Myron's acting skills? That would explain why he didn't seem afraid of getting shot in the slightest. Had Myron been a real pirate, he would already have pulled the trigger several times, heck, he would have shot Gaius' son. A pretty dickish and edgy move, sure, but that's why you don't taunt pirates in the open like that.

Of course, Red Eyes wasn't going to do that, because as much as Myron wanted to stay in character, he just couldn't shoot a seemingly defenseless, probably not very sane man like that. He instead opted for grumbling and giving a mean look to anyone who even dared look at him in the eyes.

"They call me Red Eyes, and I am the greatest pirate these seas have ever carried. You're lucky I'm not in the mood for bloodshed today, or else you'd already be lying down on the floor in agony. Are you going to shut up if I give you the 5 bucks you need to get a large sundae after I'm done with this cash register, or do you somehow expect more from me?"
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Gaius
 Posted: Jun 14 2017, 09:25 PM
Quote

THE Gaius Vanity
Group: Cafe Patrons
Posts: 104
Joined: 18-March 16
Age: 27
Location: N/A
Awards: None



Or maybe it's because Gaius was pretty buzzed. You can't really expect him to babysit if he isn't a little tipsy at the very least. But sure, let's go with him being able to see through Red -Eyes Blue Doggo's acting, and pretend that Gaius can see through the facade. He can see the Pokemon's true heart, and can tell that he's more noble and kind-hearted than he seems.

Gaius raised his glass. "How about you don't rob the cash register? Because, look... I'm going to let you in on a secret."

He leaned in closer to the Lycanroc. As he talked, the scent of whiskey and cigarettes spilled out of his mouth. Frankly, it was kind of gross, but what are you going to do? Shoot him?

"After all the shit I've pulled, I'm probably going to Hell. Stopping a robbery might get me a ticket to Purgatory at the very least. You know how good that would be? I would get to come back to this world and haunt people as a ghost. And you can, too!"

And now, he leaned back again. His child was clinging even harder to his coat, keeping the man locked in place.

"So how about you stop the robbery, and I don't kick your butt? And then we can have a good time just hanging out."
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Matthew Cromwell
 Posted: Jun 15 2017, 11:41 PM
Quote

Legendary Pirate Dog
Group: Cafe Patrons
Posts: 13
Joined: 30-May 17
Age: N/A
Location: N/A
Awards: None



Pirate dog kinda recoiled a bit thanks to the rancid smell and wondered for a moment if the man in front of him had ever heard about toothpaste, or tooth brushing in general.

On a side note, the whole purgatory and ghosts thing made Red Eyes realize that he really wasn't dealing with a rationally thinking individual, or perhaps they were mocking the pirate doggo. Gaius' behavior truly agitated Myron's brain cells.......

"Oh? And how exactly would someone like you kick my butt? Don't you think I may have at least a slight advantage over you if we were to fight? Your threats are pitiful..."

Edgy dog then motionned to the cashier to hurry the fuck up because it had been quite a while since he had asked them for the money and after he did, he turned back to Gaius, because who else was he going to converse with?

"The afterlife is a silly concept anyway; you can't amass a ton of gold after you've died, nor can you do anything to make yourself known. I don't care where I'll go after my life leaves my body, what matters is what I can do now to make the world remember who I am."

Get with the times, pupper, noone cares about pirates anymore.
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Gaius
 Posted: Jun 16 2017, 02:27 PM
Quote

THE Gaius Vanity
Group: Cafe Patrons
Posts: 104
Joined: 18-March 16
Age: 27
Location: N/A
Awards: None



Okay, he wasn't that drunk. More like durnk, at work. He was still able to give Red all the wisdom he gained over his years of being a semi-functioning, responsible-ish adult.

Gaius held up a hand to the cashier, telling him to stop what he was doing. The customer was always right, but a robber wasn't a customer. Therefore, Gaius had the higher ground.

"So that's what this is about, eh?" Gaius responded. "You want to be known? Look, kid."

He leaned in once again. Boy, he liked leaning when he gave truth bombs.

"I've been in your shoes. You might think this is what you want, but it's not. You're just a kid who lost his way. So up your own ass that you think what you're doing is best."

He smiled before adding, "There are other ways to be remembered, to be successful, to be powerful. If you keep trying to rob this place, you'll only be remembered as the dog that got his ass kicked and thrown in jail."

He had to chuckle right there. He was going to make a remark about him being a prison bitch, but this was a family restaurant. He couldn't swear here.

... Oh, what the hell. He was sure the kids would appreciate the pun.

"You'd just be known as the prison bitch."
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Matthew Cromwell
 Posted: Jun 21 2017, 08:19 PM
Quote

Legendary Pirate Dog
Group: Cafe Patrons
Posts: 13
Joined: 30-May 17
Age: N/A
Location: N/A
Awards: None



Who even gets drunk at work? Sounds like a very irresponsible, unprofessional thing to do.

Back on topic though, Matthew really didn't care much about the whole lecturing thing. In fact, he already knows about what's good and what's bad, and the fact that he hasn't shot in Gaius' general direction yet proves that he's not all bad, because an actual pirate absolutely would have. And an actual pirate would probably have aimed at the kid too.

But nah, Red Eyes expressed his utter lack of interest in Gaius' speech by letting out a long yaaaaaaaaaaaawn, and it would almost look like he wasn't listenning at all if that final sentence hadn't made his ears twitch a little. That being said, he still wasn't impressed with Gaius' threats, but he was getting annoyed by their persistence.

"You still haven't answered my question: how do you plan on kicking my ass? Your dumb threats have no impact if you don't have anything to back them up."
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Gaius
 Posted: Jun 21 2017, 08:27 PM
Quote

THE Gaius Vanity
Group: Cafe Patrons
Posts: 104
Joined: 18-March 16
Age: 27
Location: N/A
Awards: None



Gaius smiled, then dug into each of his coat pockets. Each hand produced a Poke Ball, and his thumbs pressed on the buttons.

From his right hand, a Gallade appeared before him. From his left, a Unovan Muk. Things were getting a bit crowded by the counter now, but these two seemed ready to brawl.

"Meet my buddies," Gaius said to the pirate. "Buccaneer Buck, and Admiral Amos. Either one of them would be just itching for a fight."

Oh, so the plan was to make his Pokemon fight for him. I see.
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Matthew Cromwell
 Posted: Jun 21 2017, 08:53 PM
Quote

Legendary Pirate Dog
Group: Cafe Patrons
Posts: 13
Joined: 30-May 17
Age: N/A
Location: N/A
Awards: None



Hot dang, who would have thought that Gaius would bamboozle the sea doggo like that? Now it's 3 versus 1, how unfair!!!

Red Eyes was took a couple of step back as his new opponents appeared, and he also took that opportunity to pull out another one of his guns, which he aimed at the gallade. But now what? Wihout any sort of type advantage on his side, Matthew probably didn't stand a chance.

"So, that's it? You're going to let your slaves do everything for you? That's pathetic."
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